Lonely
by Kanan
Summary: The journey West is long over, and Hakkai finds himself alone and depressed. Can someone save him from his loneliness? Rated for later chapters soon to come. Hope you like it.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki, but I wanna hug 'em! Can I, can I, can i?

Lonely

Hakkai loved to cook; it was obvious. He was always buying and reading cookbooks, baking treats for the few holidays the group celebrated, and trying to teach the others to do the saying… TRYING…

Now, Hakkai was in the kitchen again; this time, in a home of his own. The journey and the battle against Gyumao was long over, and Hakkai found that he could cook whenever and whatever he wanted- free of time limits and distractions. He prepared a large feast, like he had done right after the victory; dozens of gourmet dishes were already set out on the table, ready to be eaten.

There was a smile on his face, despite the great effort it took to prepare such a large meal. He smiled down, also, at his apron, which read 'KISS THE COOK'. It was a present that his companions had bought for him while they were still on their journey. That small token of friendship, if anything, was what made him happy, and made him want to cool for his friends. He just loved wearing it! It brought him a feeling of joy…

He turned off the stove and carries the final dish to the dining area, eyes closed and smiling. Through the blackness of the inside of his eyelids, he could see the excited look on Goku's face, the expectancy and hunger and impatience on Gojyo's, and Sanzo's content- yet still grumpy- expression.

But this was not reality. He tried to avoid it, but he opened his eyes, anyway, and he knows it is not true. They are not there anymore. The journey had long been over, and his companions had already gone their separate ways quite some time ago. He was practically alone in his empty home. The only one at the table was his loyal pet dragon, lightly nibbling on one of the dishes.

"Dinner… is all ready… everyone. E-eat up now… before it gets cold…"

But he was the one who felt cold inside. He lowered his head, letting his bangs cover his eyes, as an insane smiled crept across his face. He was shaking. He lazily drops the dish he'd been holding and fell to his knees on the cold, wooden floor. Hakuryuu flew over and perched on his shaking shoulder. The little dragon licked his master's cheek, and then, tears rolled down over his cheeks. Hakkai covers his leaking eyes as he broke down.

"Everyday, Hakuryuu… I prepare the same food… as I did before… hoping to see three other faces waiting impatiently for it… I keep waiting… and waiting… and waiting… But, I am alone now… Now, and forever… I-I just want them to come back…!"

"Kyuu…"


	2. Part 2

Kanan: Okay! Here is part two of 'Lonely'!

Hakkai: Kanan… my Kanan! You've come back from the dead!

Kanan: Gah! No, I'm not her! I'm a different Kanan! DIFFERENT!

Hakkai: Kanan, come to me! I love you!

(Is chased around some)

Part 2:

A light rain had started up, as it usually did in that area and it shrouded the entire small town in a light mist. Hakkai walked to the window, carrying Hakuryuu in his arms. He opened the window, letting in the misting rain, and held the dragon up. The small thing tilted its' head at his master.

"It's too late for me, old friend. Please go and find a new friend."

But it shook its' head. He refused to leave Hakkai. The brunette would not accept that, and he thrust the dragon out the window and closed it before the flying dragon could fly back in. He chirped loudly.

In town:

Through the rain, from the outside, came a cloaked man walking around in the rain. What surrounded him was blackness, but his hair of red broke free of his hood. A boy saw him come in and greeted him.

"Hello, mister. I'm afraid you came here on a bad day. It's supposed to rain harder than this in a while. All the inns are closed."

"Yeah… sure isn't a good day…"

The cloaked man looked around the town quietly.

"Um, you are a traveler, aren't you, mister?"

"You could say that. The name is Sha Gojyo."

"Oh. I don't like that name at all."

Gojyo smiled and laughed just a little.

"You have no idea how many times I've heard that, kid."

"Mister, can I ask why you came here? This isn't a very good town for tourism or anything."

"I'm looking for a few friends of mine. Have you seen 'em"

Gojyo pulled a drawn picture of his former companions. The boy looked at the poor work and looked somewhat disgusted.

"That's not a very good picture, mister."

"Hey, it's okay if you haven't seen them… I'll just go look somewhere else-"

"I didn't say I hadn't seen them. In fact, that man in the green lives here."

"Seriously? He does?"

"Yeah, he is a teacher at the school, but um… he hasn't been there recently."

"Why not?"

"Don't know. He's well known in this town, but a few weeks ago, he stopped showing up. It was just after a demon attacked our school. Mr. Hakkai protected us all, but he got hurt a little. He's a nice man."

"Kid, would you be able to point me in the direction of his house?"

"Sure."

Gojyo followed the boy's directions and found himself in the forest near town. He wondered how Hakkai could choose to isolate himself like that. The rain was still coming down hard, so he kept his hood up. After a moment more, he found himself in front of a cabin. It looked cozy, but…something wasn't right. Hakuryuu was outside. The tiny dragon was flying around the front door, squawking and chirping like crazy. When Gojyo walked closer, the dragon turned its' head and flew to him. Gojyo hugged the tiny dragon. Both seemed happy.

"Hi! I'm glad to see you, too, you little rascal!"

"Kyuu! Kyuu!"

Then, the pet tugged on Gojyo's cloak and motioned towards the house.

"Is there something wrong with your master, little guy?"

"Kyuu…!"

"Okay… lets go in and see."

Gojyo brought Hakuryuu inside and looked around. There were no lights on and Hakkai was nowhere in sight. He let go of the pet and he led him to a closed door.

"Is this Hakkai's room? Okay… I'm coming in."

Gojyo opened the door very softly and poked his head in. It was very dark, but he thought he saw slight movement in the corner by the bed.

"Hakkai?"

Gojyo felt a sticky substance on his hand from holding the doorknob, and it suddenly hit him. His eyes adjusted to the dark of the room, and all he saw was blood! Blood on the walls, on the floor, the door, and then… Hakkai. Hakkai was covered, completely soaked in his own blood. The wounds were on his wrists- no, on his entire forearms! Gojyo didn't want to think suicide, or an attempt at it, but to cut oneself so deeply and far would guarantee death. Gojyo burst in and fell to the floor by his bleeding friend. His monocle was off, and he could see that both of his friend's eyes were dull and empty-looking.

"Hakkai…? Hakkai, answer me!"

"Only an illusion… I'll close my eyes, and you'll be there… but open them, and you'll be gone… all gone…"

Gojyo shook the man lightly, and Hakkai looked up at him just a little. He saw the darkness surrounding him, and the cloak and the dash of red.

"…Are you death…?"

"W-what…!"  
"Take me now… I can't stand living anymore… please take me away now…"

"I'm not…"

"Take me away… Not without them… I can't live now… being alone…"

Gojyo slapped his friend across the cheek, which hardly fazed him, and then he reached up to the bedside table and turned on the light. He looked back to his friend and cupped his face in his hands.

"Hakkai, listen to me. You're not alone. I'm here now, and I wont let you die on me again, do you got that!"

It took a moment, but then Hakkai's eyes grew slightly wider and his mouth hung open. He recognized this face- the face of that who wanted him to live. But he lost consciousness before he could speak.

Days later, Hakkai started to become more aware. He looked up to the ceiling he had seen for a long time, but there was a face in his view now. The red hair was a dead giveaway.

"G-Gojyo…"

"Yeah, it's me. That's the second time you've given me a heart attack, old friend. How many times do you plan on dying on me?"

Gojyo sat back in the chair by the bed and started to smoke.

"I know you wont mind…"

For the first in a long time, Hakkai smiled.

"No, of course not…"

"You know you talk a lot in your sleep, right?"

"Do I?"

"……Just tell me why you did it."

Hakkai was slightly confused. Gojyo pointed to his arms, which were completely bandaged up. It helped to answer a few questions, and explain why his strength had left him, but more importantly, why he was even still alive. Reality hit him, and he started to cry. He didn't know if he was happy or sad, but he concluded that it was probably something in-between the two. Hakkai rolled over on his side, facing where Gojyo was, and covered his face.

"I-I'm so sorry, Gojyo! It was just that… I was alone for so long…! I couldn't stand it any longer!"

"Hey…"

Hakkai jumped as the red head reached out to wipe away his tears. Then, he moved Hakkai back onto his back and pulled the covers up to his chest.

"You need your rest. We can talk later."

"You'll… still be here?"

"Sure I will. And so will our little friend."

Hakuryuu flew over and landed near his head on the bed and snuggled him.

"Hakuryuu…"

"Kyuu!"

"I forgot… I put him outside, alone in the cold. Thank you for rescuing him, Gojyo."

"No problem."

"…And I'm sorry."

"Eh?"

"I've got you taking care of me again… because I made another stupid mistake. Sorry."

"Heh. If you say sorry just once more, I'll pummel you, got it? Injured or not!"

Both laughed a little, then Hakkai looked up, his smile faltering a little.

"On that note, how long… do you plan on staying? Gojyo?"

"Well, lets just say… I've got no place to return to. …Mind if I stick around?"

This made Hakkai very happy.

"Okay, but there are a few things you should know! The trash gets picked up every Wednesday, and the dishes need to be done, and I wont allow you to wear clothes when they're dirty, so you'll need to clean them thoroughly! Dipping them in water isn't cleaning, okay?" (heart) (smile)

"…HAKKAI…!" (vein)


End file.
